Being a dad isn’t hard. It’s the other stuff around you that becomes harder

I think actually the true audience for this might be people who are on the fence on whether or not to have kids … much like I was for my entire life until it was changed forever in March of 2023.

I’m a Georgia Bulldog who married a Florida Gator

Credit: Handout

Credit: Handout

Let me begin by saying that having kids will not fix your marriage, so do not under any circumstances do it for that reason. That’s like thinking a roof rack will fix your car when it’s the engine that’s about to blow.

Having kids will not only give your marriage new problems, but it will also expose problems that you didn’t even know you had that have been bubbling under the surface.

For instance, when my wife and I got married, I didn’t care all that much that she was a (disgusting, vile, scum of the Earth) Florida Gators fan.

As a proud Georgia Bulldog, this would really only come up once a year when our two teams faced each other in The World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.

So, it made for a much unpleasant Christmas when I threatened to put her perfectly healthy mother in a home for buying my son an infant-sized Tim Tebow jersey. (Don’t worry, I burned it in effigy in our yard and said three “Go-Dawgs-Sic-ems” while crossing my heart. Everything is fine).

Don’t sweat the small stuff like making a child a grilled cheese sandwich

Being a dad is not hard. I know that sounds like the exact opposite of what you’ve been told your whole life, but in my experience it’s true.

You may be saying to yourself, “Oh sure, if you just let the mom do all the work!”

But I assure you that’s not the case: I am an insanely hands-on dad and have been almost a full-time stay-at-home dad for the past two and a half years. I even take my son on the road with me when I’m doing stand-up.

What I mean is that the actual dad part of life is not hard, but it makes everything else in your life harder, because now there are stakes. You can’t fail anymore (even though you will).

I mean for real, do you know how easy it is to please a toddler? I make him a grilled cheese and put on “Batman” and I’m a god.

We parents have children for us, not for them

“But what about when he’s crying?”

What about it? There are four reasons a kid will cry: he just pooped, he needs to poop, he’s hungry, he’s tired. Once you’ve assessed the situation, you can solve it.

And if you’ve tried and he’s still crying? Then there’s nothing you can do. Put on headphones and go about your day.

He’ll be fine. He’s probably just mad he’s alive because … he didn’t ask to be born.

Knowing this and acting accordingly is my secret to being a good dad. It’s a rather new phenomenon in parenting, thinking about your kid as someone who owes you nothing, but it’s true. We used to hear: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out!”

All the time.

But I don’t think many who said it stopped to think about the weight of the statement. That’s right, we brought him into this world. He did not put in a request to walk this earth and face its tribulations. This kid owes me absolutely nothing, and I owe him absolutely everything.

My job as a dad is to make sure he does not resent me forcing him to breathe air.

Does this mean I will spoil him? Absolutely not.

Does this mean I will not expect him to bow to me every time I enter a room and worship me for doing my job as a father? I damn sure won’t.

I asked for this, he didn’t.

Children will often let us focus on just one thing

As I said earlier, being a dad isn’t hard — it just makes everything else harder. Some people will tell you that having kids complicates everything, but if I can speak like a 1920s flapper for a second, I’d like to say: “Bah! Hooey! That’s a load of baloney!”

Because, you see, in my experience it actually makes everything much simpler. Before I had a kid, for example, I worried about a thousand things a day: my career, my love life, my social life, money, status, you name it.

But now that I’m a dad, I only worry about one thing: my kid. All that other stuff is just in service of him. A byproduct of trying to give him a great life.

How do you become a good dad? Recognize everything that isn’t your kid for what it is: noise.

And if you think having a kid will “ruin your life,” I promise you, your life ain’t that damn good anyway.

Corey Ryan Forrester is a comedian from Chickamauga. He is the co-author of “The Liberal Redneck Manifesto: Draggin’ Dixie Outta the Dark” and “Round Here and Over Yonder: A Front Porch Travel Guide by Two Progressive Hillbillies (Yes, That’s a Thing.)” and a co-host of the podcasts “wellRED” and “Puttin’ On Airs.”